What Valentine's Day means to me this year.

“To love others you must first love yourself.”

― Leo Buscaglia, Love 

Valentine's day is a day to remember that special love in your life in the words of Jerry Maguire  'that completes you'.  I do not necessarily think it has to be a passionate love of your soul mate, it can easily be others, like a child, a sister, friend or a dog.  I have that soul mate love in my life in my husband and I feel lucky that he is my keeper of my hearr. Well actually I have several people I love who complete my life, but Hubs completes my heart.

I know a lot of people hate this Hallmark driven day, for a few reasons...

It reminds those who are not in a place where they have love or simply can not give nor accept it due to anger, loneliness.  To that I can only quote me some Leo:

“Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.”

Others don't like this day as it is truly a commercialization kinda day, where advertisers try to guilt you into buying something to show your love in this particular day that involves spending too much money.  Well to that I say stick with the simplicity of a loving gesture, show not buy the person how much you love them.  

More Leo:

“Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.” 

Now for those who think this is a day to "score" versus loving listen to Leo: 

“Don't walk in my head with your dirty feet.”  

 

Are you a Hunter or a Gatherer?

I wonder how many of us are hunters and how many of us are gatherers?  

I am a gatherer, though I do love a good hunt for a bargain (I am my mothers daughter after all)!  I am a gatherer of everything from family history stuff...my dad's report cards...my grandparents marriage certificate...most of the family photos...etc.  I also have memorablia from my elementary, high school, and college years...I mean I still have news papers from high school football games and sorority and fraternity charms from college.  I have ticket stubs and t'shirts from concerts, long lost boyfriends love letters (note: Hubs has some of his!) birthday cards from grandparents now gone. I have several memorable items from when Hubs was wooing me, pressed flowers and cards. But what do I gather the absolute most?  Well it is something I am allergic to, and not a fan of at all, but I sure do have a lot of it.  I bet you would of never guess it...dust...I gather so much in this house even after I have dusted and I have dust...I do not enjoy dusting at all.  But honestly does dusting really ever ring someones bell?  

I wish I could say that I am good at hunting the dust down, but I have to be honest, it just reproduces too fast for me...I mean it is worse than rabbits which we have too, but I didn't gather those, they just showed up...one in our garage reeking havoc...but I digress and we all know how fast they multiply..I betcha didn't know they pop out those baby rabbits after only 32 days and average about 8 a litter...but again I digress.

When I come into my millions (still waiting on that winning Publishers Clearing House win) one of the first things I do in my new mansion, is hire someone to control my gathering habit of dust.  I would really love it if someone else did the housecleaning, but until those millions come in it is me.   So I will start this cycle over and over and over again writing my name or 'Dust Me' on the book shelves that need dusting or in hopes someone else in this household would just do it once. Normally I do my best Scarlett O'Hara imitation 'fiddle dee dee, fiddle dee dee' 'tomorrow is another day'...and go eat some bon bons.  Now when I win my millions I will also have the cabana boy fetch my bon bons in between fanning me by the pool, so I don't 'glow' too much!

Be Kind to Others...You Never Know When You Might Need a Kidney

This is a motto I think we all should live by...Think about it for a minute...you never know when you may need a kidney or blood transfusion or other body parts...so you better be nice to the person next to you!

I try...I mean I really try to be the person my dogs think I am...They are happy to see me when I walk in the door...from a long day away or just getting the mail...my dogs love me no matter if I am thin (I am so not) or not thin...they do not care if my hair or make up is done (usually not). They think I am the kind of person they just want to hang with...all the time...literally.

So that gets me thinking...am I really a nice person? I hope so, I mean I do not deliberately ever try to harm or hurt anyone or animals.  I do get angry at injustice and cruelty.  I do try to treat others as I would want to be treated...a person is a person...no one person starts out greater than another...I mean there are just some things ALL humans do the same, even Queen Elizabeth!  It is those pesky learned behaviors that get people off track most the time (crime, hate, greed, prejudice, conceit)...I get there is evil amongst us, but I think there are more angels.  My glass is half full.

I have thought for a long time, that this world would be a nicer place if every person on earth had to work in retail and be a waiter each for a month each of their lives...they see the good and the bad in all kinds of people. I will fess up to purposely tripping and spilling a glass of tea on a man who patted me on the touchy when I was a waitress...it was not nice...but what he did was not either...(Geez, I hate it when I hear my Mom's voice...'two wrongs don't make a right'.)  

I am perfectly flawed (above confession an example) as is every person I know and every person I do not know.  Perfection is over rated in us humans...no one will ever, ever achieve it.

Remember (and remind me too) to be kind...because you just never ever really know what you might need...down the road.

(This of course is my opinion.)

GRANDmothers..oh how I miss them - part deux

My Mema was an incredible lady, she was what one would call a Giver...putting others in front of herself, and took care of everyone.

Mema was the quintessential definition of a mid 20th century homemaker and thus the Grandmother everyone wanted.  She cooked (the worlds greatest to me) & cleaned (she ironed sheets) her house was always in order.  She was the first lady of their small town for awhile. She always had her hair done as most southern woman did and she had pointy long nails painted red.

My memories always start off with her saying "give me some sugar", because that is what Grandmothers from Arkansas say when they see their grandkids.   She was always quick with the hugs for my brothers and cousin.  We lived about 5 hours away, and would pack up (literally every nook and cranny) the car and head North to Arkansas for every holiday but Christmas and also during the summers.  I couldn't wait to get to that small town, they lived right off the square, so we were in the thick of it for years and since half the town were relatives, plenty cousins to play with!

Mema really was a great cook, I can picture her in the kitchen making something to bake, or cook or fry up in that blue paisley apron.  She had a built in mixer that popped up from a cabinet when needed, that was a cool toy for me.  She always had treats for us in the 3rd drawer that had a roll top. She knew how picky an eater I was and made a corner of her banana pudding without bananas for me, or make her potatoes lumpy just enough to my liking!  Her fried okra was a little piece of heaven.  Now one Thanksgiving, she made me eat sweet potatoes and lets just say they came right back up and ruined a lovely table setting.  I was never asked to try some different foods again.  I also remember sitting with her for hours shelling purple hull peas she had just gotten from the peddler on the square and having purple fingers!  According to my Mom, she and her sister never learned to cook from her as she didn't like anyone in HER kitchen, but it was different for me, she patiently taught and showed me how to cook.  

Getting back to Mema being a giver, she was the oldest of 10, and when her Mother (Big Mama to us) late in her life decided one day she wasn't going to anything else and have her daughters take care of her, Mema did.  I don't recall her actually being sick, I guess she was just tired!  Mema and most of her sisters took 24 hours shifts taking care of her/her house as well as also keeping their own homes in order. 

She also took care of my PaPa, she had dinner (which was at lunch to us) on the table and he would come home everyday to eat. She cooked him eggs, bacon, toast and her special oatmeal (which was really just not lumpy oatmeal) for breakfast and then made dinner and supper every day, as they rarely went out to dinner.   Later in life, his health deteriorated and she still took care of him, until she couldn't do it all by herself.  Then they got nurses to help but she was still taking care of him  I remember one time I was there in my 20's, when he didn't want to take his medicine for the nurses...she marched in there and said "Johnny you are going to take your medicine right now!" You can guess the outcome.  Kinda cute in my book.

Also we had dogs, so they always came with us when we visited, now she said  she didn't like dogs.  What she did not know is we used to catch her when she thought no one was looking petting and whispering to the dog...That would be something she would never admit too!

After my PaPa died, she didn't have anyone to take care of and I really think that was her life's work. It was time for those of us who loved her to take care of her.  This role reversal was not something she liked nor was comfortable with.  I remember about a year before she passed, I made a surprise visit to see her on my way back from a trip, she was sitting in her chair alone with the lights off.  After she recovered from the shock of seeing us, I asked her where her nurse was and she had sent them home and that she didn't need one.  She really did though.  Shortly after that visit she had to move into a live in facility as she needed full time care and could not get around (she had terrible feet...those I inherited).  Her eyes would light up when I would go to see her and I did as much as possible. She left us shortly after that.  She is in Heaven making banana-less banana pudding and I bet still petting the dogs when no one is looking.

My Aunt told me recently that I had a special relationship with her and Papa and that just made me smile and miss them a bit more.  You see it is an honor for me to be their grand daughter. 

I have in my own kitchen, a collage of some of her handwritten recipes to help me remember who taught me how to cook.